


The Case of the Clever Conundrum

by ChrisCalledMeSweetie



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Flirting, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Sexual Tension, Word Play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-20 20:57:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17629559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChrisCalledMeSweetie/pseuds/ChrisCalledMeSweetie
Summary: It takes a well-crafted riddle to push Sherlock and John past "Will they or won't they?" to "Oh God, yes!"





	1. The Conundrum

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ildivouber](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ildivouber/gifts), [AmeliaWho1993](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmeliaWho1993/gifts), [Lyricoloratura](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyricoloratura/gifts), [OtakuElf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/OtakuElf/gifts), [AtlinMerrick](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AtlinMerrick/gifts).



> conundrum  
> noun  
> 1\. a riddle, especially one whose answer makes a play on words  
> 2\. a puzzling question or problem  
> (Collins English Dictionary)

John Watson was a conundrum. 

 

In the six months since they’d met, Sherlock had done his best (and _his_ best was _the_ best, if he did say so himself) to deduce all there was to know about John. And yet, there was always something…

 

Take now, for instance. There John sat, across from him, ostensibly doing a crossword puzzle, although he hadn’t filled in any letters in the last three and a half minutes. Was John’s tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth because he was deep in concentration, or was this yet another one of the (mounting, maddening, innumerable) ways in which he might (possibly, hopefully, _please_ ) be displaying some (latent, subconscious, tentative) interest in something more (romantic, physical, sexual) with Sherlock?  

 

Looking at the little pink tip of John’s tongue, it was so hard to be sure. 

 

Looking at the little pink tip of John’s tongue, _Sherlock_ was so hard, to be sure.

 

Damn it! Sherlock had been skirting around this gradually escalating almost-flirtation with John for far too long. It was time he took matters into his own hands — and not in the way he’d been reduced to doing far too often of late.

 

Putting pen to paper, Sherlock jotted down a couple of well-chosen lines.

 

“Here,” he said, tossing the paper with feigned casualness into John’s lap. “When you finally finish that crossword puzzle, I’ve got a little riddle for you.”

 

Now, all Sherlock had to do was wait to see what John would make of the words he’d written:

 

_Change one letter to transform those who fear the queer into words with the same sound; then find a pair of the latter, one of which I’d like to see the former eaten by, and the other of which I’d like to see you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is complete. I'll be posting the remaining chapters the next two Saturdays. 100 points to anyone who can solve the riddle before John does. If you want to guess without the possibility of being spoiled, you might want to avoid reading the comments. Also, some of my responses to the comments might be a bit, shall we say, risqué...


	2. Multiple Possibilities

John Watson was not an idiot.

 

Well, at least not when it came to word puzzles, he wasn’t. So, it didn’t take him long to solve the first part of Sherlock’s clue.

 

“I’ve changed one letter to turn homophobes into homophones,” he announced.

 

Sherlock smiled. “And…?”

 

John smiled back. “Well, let’s see. A pair of words that sound the same, one of which you’d like to see eat the homophobes, and the other of which you’d like to see me. Hmmm… What about boar/bore? I’ll bet you wouldn’t mind seeing homophobes eaten by a wild boar.”

 

“No, but you never bore me, John.”

 

“Okay, what about horse/hoarse? I know horses are supposed to be herbivores, but I’ll bet the horse John Mulaney riffed on being loose in a hospital was probably a man-eater.”

 

Sherlock laughed. “Good one, but no. I certainly don’t want you hoarse. Whenever you’re hoarse, it’s generally because you’ve been shouting at me about one of my experiments.”

 

“Fair enough. Well, then, how about flea/flee? Death from a million flea bites would be a fitting end to the homophobes.”

 

“True, but I hope you’re not planning to run away from me.”

 

John gave Sherlock a sly look. “Hmm… I just don’t know if I can figure this out. Could it be lion/lyin’?”

 

“John!” Sherlock huffed. “I think you’re lyin’ to me about not knowing exactly what answer I had in mind.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Several clever readers figured this one out last week. Now that John has solved the first part of the riddle - and tossed out a few incorrect guesses about the second part - can you deduce how it all will end? I'll post the thrilling conclusion next Saturday.
> 
> While you're waiting, you might want to check out my [Mother Goose Ships Johnlock](https://archiveofourown.org/series/573346) series. I've posted four new Johnlockified nursery rhymes in the past few days (bringing the current total up to 20) and I have another half-dozen waiting in the wings. With ratings from G to E, and themes from the ridiculous to the sublime, there's a little something for everyone.


	3. The Answer

John Watson was a wanker.

 

Whether that was true in the literal or the figurative sense at the moment, Sherlock wasn’t sure, as he watched John disappear into the loo without providing the answer to the riddle Sherlock _knew_ John knew. Had John shut himself in the bathroom to relieve the growing sexual tension between them, or in the wicked hope that Sherlock would self-combust from said sexual tension? Either way, John was a wanker!

 

Except…

 

Except, just as Sherlock was about to scream in frustration, John’s voice called out from behind the closed door: “I suppose the homophobes could be eaten by a bear. In which case, I guess you’d like to see me…”

 

And John sauntered out of the bathroom, exactly as Sherlock had been longing to see him: tantalisingly, gloriously, completely _bare_. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll leave what happened next up to your imaginations. ;)
> 
> If you enjoyed the humor and word play in this story, allow me to recommend the first fic I ever wrote in the Sherlock fandom:
> 
> [Past Imperfect, Future Perfect](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5447387) (840 words, teen) John was an imperfect man, but he was perfect for Sherlock. Or, a tale of tenses and tension.
> 
> And for those of you who enjoyed playing along with John in attempting to solve the riddle, I think you'll have fun with one of my most popular multi-chapter fics:
> 
> [Divinest Sense](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6627280) (25k, explicit) John has been sectioned — deemed to be a danger to himself and others — and is facing six months in an experimental psychiatric treatment facility. After his recent drug overdose, Sherlock is being shipped off by his brother to live amongst the mad, as though this will somehow improve his mental health. What will happen when these two damaged men meet under the least auspicious of circumstances?
> 
> Hint: You can expect some humorous misunderstandings, burgeoning attraction, coded clues that the reader is invited to try to decipher, eventual explicit sex, and altogether more fluff than one might imagine, given the rather dark premise of this story.
> 
> Thanks for reading! ♥


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